So many days, oh so many days
seeing you so tangible and so close,
how do I pay, with what do I pay? 
-Pablo Neruda


How to assuage the bewildered heart, beating and constant, arbitrary in its evenness, questions aswirl in the rhythm. 


The eyes open to daylight, determined to drink in a stretch of the view out front. The mind lingers in the background, seeking what isn't there to be sought, grappling with its cerebrations, nursing unforgotten wounds, lingering where it should no longer be, insisting on remembered sunsets on forgotten places, wishing on dead stars, still flickering with waiting hopes. 


To take a step forward, or keep pressing on to the past minute, hour, year--


one finds the self in the middle of things.

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone." 
— Pablo Neruda

from the weekend couch:

"I have three children, six grandchildren. They're busy. They're too busy to talk to me. I gotta make an appointment. They got lost some place. They don't need anybody. People changed, life is changed. Today, you shake hands with somebody, you gotta count your fingers to make sure you got five fingers back."

You should go on a vacation, book a flight to LA. I'll grind the coffee beans right before the plane lands and we can talk - about the despair you seem to try to keep at bay, and my despair that's threatening to launch an all out assault. Sigh. And I thought age would give us immunity from loving things and people that shouldn't and couldn't be had. Haha! Please write and quiet my mind  I miss your blog.


-message from Leiv, sister from a past life

Not from the weekend couch:

Movie seats.
Chris Evans is gorgeousness.

from the weekend couch:

"But whatever I do with this cage, I cannot get at you, and it is your soul that I want."

This is for you.

There is no cure for envy.

Move on, lady.
And look in the mirror before you do. Maybe you'll see something there that needs some fixin'.
=)

And your hunger is not for experience
but for understanding, as though it could be had in the abstract.
-Louise Gluck, "Moonbeam"

What are these promises for, if not for breaking?

Steadfast, this loop, that goes round, and round, and round, and arrives, always, to give and take, and take away more than was given to be taken.
Nobody said that wish you wished, once upon a transient star, would ever be more than what it was when it slipped out of some random, fugitive dream.

There is reason to all this naming.

And that explains it

So, Mercury is retrograding today. Gives light (however twisted) to all this mess.

Best to keep still. Resisting would be futile.

Until August 26th.